not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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