I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
