R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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