all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
