we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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