what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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