i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
