I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
