I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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