My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
