I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
