dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize