Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
there is glitter all over my balls
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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