Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
