Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize