we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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