Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
we should paint friendship bongs
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