i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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