bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
