beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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