this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
