Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You were trust falling into bushes
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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