It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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