Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
