Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
