I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I stole a fireplace last night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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