Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
