I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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