a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
