I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Can Purell be used as lube?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize