i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
