Someone shit on the floor
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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