My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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