Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
