my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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