Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
