you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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