found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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