His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
