Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize