All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
farters have to be the big spoon...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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