I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
