He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
