I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
