i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
