babies were throwing up all over the place
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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