and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
