I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
