She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
