last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize