sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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