She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
last night I used snow as a chaser
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
