There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
