you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
