I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
