I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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