You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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