They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
smell my finger.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
