Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
