YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
