Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
