i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
All the doctor said was why
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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