Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We left an ass print on the piano.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
