btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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