guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
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