I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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