Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
