I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
