I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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