there was a trapeze. enough said
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize