i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
