I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
