Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize