making cat noises will not fix the situation.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
