What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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