thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
