definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
