Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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