If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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