Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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